Friendship

Friendships - hopefully we all have them. Some are good, some are destined to fail, and some friendships are so strong they last forever.

People have friends all around them; sometimes they are not what they seem. Behind that smile, is there really a trustworthy friend at all? They could be fickle, spiteful, and rude; but you do not see that side of them. Maybe you just see the smile. Do not trust these ‘friends’ with your deepest secrets. Those same secrets will be spread around the school by next morning. These friends are only your friends because they want something in return. Money, good grades, popularity … even blackmail material. You see it all the time. They will befriend you while you are worth something to them. After, they find another classmate to befriend. You’re better off breaking friendships with these people early on before you end up getting hurt by their actions and words. Forget the “What ifs” and the “Only ifs” as all they do is cause pain and anger. Trust me, I should know. I went through five years going through this whilst in senior school. If it does happen, you end up becoming isolated, frosty, spiky and standoffish. You end up building thick walls around yourself to protect your mental stability and emotional state. 

You are not alone.

Don’t go through the same cycle year after year making failing friendships. Don’t be one of those people who always needs to act cool and wants to be with the “in-crowd”, and not seen with the “school outcasts”. Remake old, and build new friendships with the people you know you can trust. People who aren’t going to stab you in the back at the first chance. Those friendships are something you can cherish. It’s better to have two or three true friends instead of 10 artificial ones. We can only go on for so long without best friends; they are a part of a support system. Those are the people you trust everything with. Your secrets. Your history. Your regrets. Everything. Don’t be afraid to let them in. They are not about to gossip to others about everything you have said; they have more respect for you than that. So don’t panic. Best friends like that are for life. Some of those friends may become your brothers and sisters in all but name and blood; they are the people that you talk to about problems that you are too embarrassed to tell your family. 

You are not alone.

The first time I felt like that was 14^th October 2003, a couple of months before my seventh birthday. Every other day after school I used to go to my parents company in Congleton and spend the next three hours completing my homework and then playing around the office with my four ‘brothers’ and ‘sister’. They were my best friends, my second family, and my secondary support system. They helped me to deal with my differences, compared to everyone in my year; as I am disabled I felt like an outsider. Some of my ‘friends’ used this against me every other day and made me feel like I should have never been born. My real friends gave me a chance to live my life. I still think of them as my siblings now, 11 years later. That’s the beauty of true friendships; the more time you spend with them, the closer you get.

It’s not just me either. There are lots of other teenagers in high school, experiencing the same thing. Going through life, making friends and being ditched by those same friends. It’s not a nice feeling. It leaves you despondent, demotivated, and disappointed with life. “How would you feel if that was you? How would you feel if someone you cared about was experiencing that type of life?” It’s the worst feeling in the world. No child in school should ever feel alone. No child should have to put up with … deal with that kind of bullying. Losing friendships can lower a child’s self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-value. Until they feel useless. This leads to other major issues such as lack of trust, commitment, and a total fear of rejection. Is that what you want to happen? Do you want those children or teenagers living life as adults suffering from unresolved issues and not having the strength of will and mind to overcome them? It doesn’t matter if they appear physically fine. It doesn’t matter if it affects their school workload. It doesn’t matter if it affects their home life.

What matters is these young adults and children are suffering emotionally and psychologically. It’s time to ask yourselves this: “Why should we have to deal with this every single year? Why should we have to suffer a lifetime of loneliness when we have done nothing to deserve it?” It takes a lot of bravery and strength to admit something is wrong. It took me three years to finally gain the emotional, mental and physical strength to speak up. With every individual, it could take them days, weeks, months, even years to overcome that fear of speaking out. 

You are not alone.

But there is something everyone can do to help. If you know someone who is in this precarious situation, don’t just stand there and watch from the sidelines. There is one thing you can do for them and that is to give them hope. Be a friend to them. A true friend. All it takes is one conversation. Just the one and the results have an impact on their lives. Encourage them to join online communities, social groups, and volunteer sessions. Spending time around others in the same situation can give them the bravery and strength to deal with their lives to the best of their abilities.

Always remember: You are not alone.

Blogger Note: This piece was inspired by the friendship between the Scandinavian countries Norway and Denmark.